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CONTENTS (*** Indicates an ACH3 original song.) PAGE NO. SONG TITLE PAGE 1. ***THE ANGELES HASHIONAL ANTHEM PAGE 2. ***THE HARES ARE ROTTON OLD TIME HASHERS ***THE HARES THEY SET A RUN ***RETURNING HASHERS, BACK IN TOWN ONCE MORE PAGE 3. AN AUSSIE IS AN ANIMAL A YANK IS AN ANIMAL A BRIT IS AN ANIMAL PAGE 4. ***A JOCK IS AN ANIMAL ***A KIWI IS AN ANIMAL ***A PHILIPPINA IS AN ANIMAL PAGE 5. ***A SWISS IS AN ANIMAL ***A MALAYSIAN IS AN ANIMAL BUILD A BONFIRE! ***MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE HE’S A LONDONER RULE BRITANNIA PAGE 7. ***HE WENT TO THE URINAL TO HAVE A TINKLE THE HAIRS ON HER DICKIE-DI-DOH IN A SMALL BROWN PAPER PARCEL ***OH! FLOUR OF SCOTLAND ***OH SAY, CAN YOU SEE THAT YANK WITH V.D.? ***AWAY DOWN SOUTH IN THE LAND OF COTTON PAGE 9. I WISH I WAS IN LONDON CHARLOTTE THE HARLOT LAY DYING PAGE 10. ***ONCE AN AUSSIE HASHER TRIED TO USE THE TELEPHONE ***OH POMMIES LET US ALL REJOICE PAGE 11. ***BAA, BAA, BLACKSHEEP ME NO LIKEY BLITISH SAILOR PAGE 12. ***THE APRES HASH FOR WANCHAI DON’T MENTION THE WAR! GERMANS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR PAGE 13. ***THE GERMAN HASHERS, THEY ARE THE STRONGEST DE GAULLE, HE WENT TO THE LAVATORY ***COMMENT CE CREVASSE, JAQUES? ***A CANUCK IN ‘THE STATES HOLD HIM DOWN YOU ZULU WARRIOR! PAGE 15. ***ON-HOME! BOYS, HOME! ***‘BIRDS OF PARADISE’ CURRIES SEX IS BORING! PAGE 16. ***WHEN THE ‘DRAGON LADY’ RIDES ***ANGELES HASH’S RULES ONE AND SIX (NO POOFTERS!) ***HE’S A WANKER FROM LANCASHIRE PAGE 17. ***WHEN THE ANGELES ‘BEACH’ RUNS IN THE DARK THE ‘SLASH’ HASH PAGE 19. ***THE BELL END OF HIS PENIS, IS ALL BROWN AND GREEN ***AS I WALKED OUT IN SUBIC, TO HAVE A FEW BEERS PAGE 20. ***THE ‘BILLY BOYS’ PICNIC ***THE ‘LORD OF THE RINGS’ PAGE 21. WE’RE ALL QUEERS TOGETHER PAGE 22. ***WE’RE ALL QUEERS TOGETHER (CONTINUED) ARSEHOLES ARE CHEAP TODAY! GEORGIE, PORGIE, PUDDING AND PIE ***IF YOU EVER COME TO VISIT ANGELES CITY ***THE ANGELES HASH JEEPNEY DRIVERS’ SONG ***DINGLE BERRIES, DINGLE BERRIES ***AWAY DOWN ON BLOW ROW PAGE 25. ***THE ‘BIRDS OF PARADISE’ IN ANGELES CITY ***LILLY THE LEPER FORESKINS PAGE 26. THESE FOOLISH THINGS REMIND ME OF YOU MONTY PYTHON’S "PHILOSOPHER’S SONG" PAGE 27. SHE STOOD ON THE BRIDGE AT MIDNIGHT COME AND SIT ON MY FACE IF YOU LOVE ME HERE’S TO FELLOW HASHERS PAGE 28. ***GARY GLITTER’S SONG ***ROMAN POLANSKI’S BLUES ***MICHAEL JACKSON FLIES AROUND IN HEAVEN PAGE 29. THE DOGS THEY HAD A MEETING ***A LOVELY DOG CALLED ROVER PAGE 30. ***I PLOUGH THE FIELDS AND SCATTER… THERE IS A GREEN HILL FAR AWAY PAGE 31. HAS ANYBODY SEEN J.C.? ***IT’S A LONG WAY TO YOUR HOMELAND DOWN IN THE TOILET BOWL, DARK AND DEEP PAGE 33. WHO ATE ALL THE PIES? ***OVER-ACHIEVERS HE OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON SHORT-CUTTING BASTARDS PAGE 34. WHO’S THAT WANKER ON THE PHONE? SIDE BY SIDE PAGE 35. ***THE DEATH OF NELSON PAGE 36. ***THE DEATH OF NELSON. (CONTINUED) ***THE MAID OF PORTSMOUTH PAGE 37. UP JUMPED THE MONKEY FROM THE COCONUT GROVE! PAGE 38. ***MY WIFE’S PEARL NECKLACE PAGE 39. ***THE GEORGE BUSH JR. BURGER ***THERE’S AN OLD WHORE THEY CALL "THE SPERM BANK" PAGE 40. JACK THE NECROPHILIAC PAGE 41. ***JACK THE NECROPHILIAC (PART 2) ***IN MY MORTUARY PAGE 43. ***THE "PIKEY" LAD (CONTINUED) ***I LIKE SPANKING SCHOOLGIRL’S BOTTOMS! PAGE 44. INTERCOURSE IS GRAND, BUT I MUCH PREFER THE HAND I’LL GIVE YOU DAN, DAN, THE LAVATORY MAN PAGE 45. ***I WAS HUNTING ‘TIDDYOGGYS’ ***PETER, PETER, ‘THE SCRUMPY EATER’ PAGE 47. THE JOYS OF FORNICATION! ***MANY, MANY, HASHERS, HAVE VENEREAL DISEASE PAGE 48. AS THE END OF THE MONTH ROLLS ALONG ALL THE NICE GIRLS LOVE A CANDLE THAT’S AMORE! PAGE 49. OH, THE EAGLES THEY FLIGH HIGH IN MOBILE ***YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, YOU PAY MY BARFINE PAGE 51. BARNACLE BILL THE SAILOR ***‘EGG ON LEGS’ HE SAT ON A WALL AYE! YIE! YIE! YIE! PAGE 52. I LOVE A GANG BANG, I ALWAYS WILL PAGE 53. ***THE HALF PRICE BARFINE ***STAND UP! STAND UP! DEAR PENIS PAGE 54. ***ARMPIT! ARMPIT! YOU’RE A STAR! DAISY, DAISY WHEN IT’S "INCEST TIME" IN TEXAS PAGE 55. ***HE WANTS TO HOLD YOUR GLAND WHY WAS HE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL? PAGE 56. WE ALL LIVED IN A RUSSIAN SUBMARINE NOTHING COULD BE FINER THAN TO BE IN YOUR VAGINA PAGE 57. ALL COPPERS ARE BASTARDS! HE’S THE MEANEST, HE’S THE HORSE’S ARSE ***ON SANTOS STREET PAGE 58. PATTYA DIRT ROAD HASH, VERSUS ACH3 (A BRIEF HISTORY) *** OH, THE ‘DIRTY HASH’ SCOOTS RIGHT ‘UP THE BACK’ PAGE 59. ***MY FAVOURITE SEXUAL FANTASY ***THE OTHER NIGHT BOYS, AS HE LAY SLEEPING PAGE 60. ***WHEN DOGGY DAVE FELL, AND TRIED TO FLY ***MORGAN’S PIES! MORGAN’S PIES! PAGE 61 ***WE ARE POOR LITTLE LAMBS WHO HAVE LOST THEIR WAY CRAVEN ‘A’! PAGE 62 SHOES IN THE MIDDLE! (A BRIEF HISTORY) ***SHOES IN THE MIDDLE! ***A POOR VISITING ‘DIRT ROAD’ SINNER THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM AZORES ***THE BUGGERING OLD BISHOP OF BUCKINGHAM Page 64. ***A RANDY OLD PRIEST IN VICTORIA THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM NANTUCKET ***A STRAPPING YOUNG VIKING CALLED THOR ***THE LEARNED OLD RABBI FEDORA THE ANGELES’ HASHIONAL ANTHEM (PRE-1984) THIS IS OUR MOST TRADITIONAL SONG, AND IT DEFINES ANGELES HASH: IT WAS WRITTEN BY THE VENERABLE ‘D’GILL’. THE LYRICS HAVE EVOLVED OVER THE YEARS TO REFLECT OUR HASH’S HISTORY, ESPECIALLY AFTER THE 1991 MOUNT PINATUBO ERUPTION. AT LEAST ONE VERSE IS ALWAYS SUNG TO CLOSE OUR HASH CIRCLE. (The letters T.D.Y. refers to "Temporary Duty" G.I.s ) Words :D’Gill ACH3 Tune :"Rocky Mountain High" She was born in a grass hut, near a town called Angeles, Destined to a life of poverty, But at the age of thirteen, she had a heart, And she moved to downtown Angeles. (Chorus) And it’s Pinatubo, Mt. Arayat high, I’ve seen it raining "diamonds" from the sky, Sit around Fields Avenue *and fuck the "T.D.Y.s", **Mount Arayat high, Pinatubo. Mount Arayat high, Pinatubo. (**The whole circle points alternately to each volcano, either to Mount Arayat or to Mount Pinatubo, each time its name is sung.) She jumped in a jeepney, with a stump broke karabaw, To a place she’d heard about before, She learned to "pick up pesos", from a bottle of San Miguel, Working overtime, giving blow jobs in Astro Park, (Chorus: The third line ends with *…and eat the Morgans’ Pies) She heard the pay was better, down in Subic Bay, Especially, when the fleet was in. So she hopped a ‘Victory Liner’, all the way to Olongapo, Where she learned to do the ‘banana-cutter’ show. (Chorus: The third line ends with*….and spew the Morgans’ Pies.) She learned to do the circuit, from Kimhe to Teghu, Keeping Dave Carlin’s prick alive, She’s a great tent heater! And she blows without Kimchi breath, All the boys along the DMZ (Chorus: The third line with*….and fuck the Morgans’ Pies!) She married a lieutenant, and got a visa to The States The hope and dream, of all the bar girls here, But after a winter in Mynot, she froze her little twat, So she caught "The Freedom Bird" back to Angeles. (Chorus: The third line ends with*….and fuck the T.D.Y.s) ……DOUCHE!! FOR THE HARES
THE HARES ARE ROTTEN OLD TIME HASHERS (2001) Words :Doggy Dave, ACH3 Tune :"Standing On The Bridge At Midnight" The hares are rotten old time hashers, All their morals foul and curled, Like some rotting blue vein cheese, Beneath the foreskin of the world.
THE HARES THEY SET A RUN (2009) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Oh for My Grog! My Jolly, Jolly, Grog" (trad. Sea song) The hares they set a run, a jolly, jolly, run, But they marked their trail with tricks and delusion, Now the pack have had their fill, Because they’re wandering out there still, In the dark, and in the shit, and in confusion.
FOR ACH3 HASHERS RETURNING TO ANGELES RETURNING HASHERS, BACK IN TOWN ONCE MORE (1999) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" (Appropriate number) returning Hashers, Back in town once more, Do us all a favour, And go away once more. Go away tomorrow, We really wish you would, And this time when you go away, Please go away for good.
DOWN DOWNS BY NATIONALITY N.B. A whole series of "Swinging on a Star"/Animal songs was originally written by Bollox of Phuket Hash. We use some Bollox’s original verses, but over the years ACH3 have expanded on his theme and added new verses of our own. "SWINGING ON A STAR"
Original words :Bollox of Phuket H3 Tune :"Swinging on a star" An Aussie is an animal with corks in his hat, He’d rather suck on piss than suck on twat He keeps a ‘roo for a rabbit, and a dingo for a dog, He can’t think at all ‘cos he’s missing a cog So if you’re thick, and your manners are a shocker, You could grow up to be an "Ocker".
A YANK IS AN ANIMAL Original words : Bollox Of Phuket H3 Tune :"Swinging on a star"
A Yank is an animal with no brains or wit, His education’s total shit, His grasp of English isn’t worth a lot, He gets confused between a fanny and a twat So if you’d rather have "jerk-off", than a "wank", You could grow up to be a Yank
A BRIT IS AN ANIMAL Original words :Bollox Phuket H3 Tune :"Swinging on a star" A Brit. is an animal that dri-inks warm beers, He whinges at everything he hears, He eats fish and chips, and curry quite a bit, He never washes, so he stinks like shit So if you’re scruffy and smelling rather strong, You could grow up to be a "Pom"!
These Words :Doggy Dave, ACH3 Tune :"Swinging on a Star" A ‘Jock’ is an animal that speaks ‘Double–Dutch’; And they don’t like the English very much; Their favourite game is football, and they think they play it fine, But at every World Cup, they get beat by Liechtenstein. And if you don’t want your face to be a mess, Don’t call a Scotsman’s kilt a dress! A "KIWI" IS AN ANIMAL (2008) These Words :Doggy Dave ACH3. Tune :"Swinging on a Star" A "Kiwi" is an animal who really loves his wife, So when he gets married, it’s for life! When he takes her out to dinner, they like to eat first class, So while he’s dining in the restaurant, she’s out grazing on the grass. And married life down on the farm’s a sexual spree, He calls it ‘Animal Husbandry’. A FILIPINA IS AN ANIMAL (2008) These Words :Dances With Dogs ACH3 Tune :"Swinging on a Star" A Filipina is an animal who eats *Bagoong And she’ll only eat an egg when it’s gone wrong, *BALUT! Her favourite game is sleeping, and eating bowls of rice, If you give her lots of money, then she’ll treat you nice, In the Karaoke bars you’ll hear her sing "I Only Want a Wedding Ring" *Bagoong, (pronounced Bag-o-ong) is the Filipino name for a very popular and very smelly, pinkish fish/shrimp sauce, the like of which is found throughout South East Asia. Its lingering odour lends a pungent ambience to the ‘colourful’ and cracked toilet ceramics in the "Comfort Rooms" of our local ‘Cocktail Lounges’. When visiting Hashers violently retch upon entering the ‘bogs’, they are often heard to remark, "Fuck me! Has Armpit just been using this ‘Shitter’?" * Balut, is a duck egg, which after it has become embryonic, is then hard boiled. The standard of "disgustingness" varies. The worst kind contains an embryo which has been hard boiled only hours before it was due to hatch. When you bite into it you are crunching on beak, bones, claws and placenta. Be warned! It is considerably worse than those famous Monty Python confections, "Lark Vomits’ Surprise" or "Cockroach Ripple"
These Words :Sunshine John ACH3 Tune :"Swinging on a Star" A Swiss is an animal, who yodels with ease, But his banks are as suspect as his cheese. His knife has twenty blades, but it doesn’t have a fork, Frogs and Krauts can’t understand him, when he talks. So if you don’t have a language of your own, You could become a Zurich Gnome.
A MALAYSIAN IS AN ANIMAL (2009) These Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Swinging on a Star" A Malaysian is an animal who really loves The Hash, But the one thing he likes better is "The Gash"! He’s a good boy in Malaysia, won’t drink beer or eat a pig, But when he’s over here it’s all piss and ‘jiggy-jig’! So if you like bargirls, but do not like to pay, You could grow up to be Malay.
ASSORTED SONGS BY NATIONALITY
BRITS This song is regularly sung at International Sporting events in Australia when they are playing either England or New Zealand. It is an accurate reflection of what the Aussies think is their sporting spirit and sense of fair play. Mind you, you’ve got to agree with their sentiments about the fucking Kiwis. BUILD A BONFIRE Words :Traditional. Tune :"Build a bonfire" "Build a bonfire! Build a bonfire! Put the Pommies on the top, Underneath stack all the Kiwis, And burn the fucking lot!"
Words :Traditional Rugby Song Tune :"The British Grenadier" Some die of masturbation, And some from turning queer, Some die of constipation, And some from diarrhoea, But of all the world’s diseases, There’s none that can compare, With the drip, drip, drip, Of the syphilitic prick, Of the British Grenadier.
MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE HE’S A LONDONER (1999) A.K.A. ‘SUPOT’S SONG) ‘Supot’ has served as a popular G.M. and A.G.M. many times over the years. However, he suffers from one massive personality flaw. He’s a fucking Londoner! By the way, his hash name ‘Supot’ is a Filipino word which means foreskin! Enough said I think. Words :Doggy Dave ACH 3 Tune :"Maybe It’s Because I’m a Londoner" Maybe it’s because he’s a Londoner, He likes to have a punt Maybe it’s because he’s a Londoner, He’s a loud mouthed little cunt! He gets a funny feeling inside of him, When it’s his turn for a round. So, maybe it’s because he’s a Londoner, He hates to spend a pound "It can’t be my turn!" He hates to spend a pound. RULE BRITANNIA Words :Traditional Rugby Song Tune : "Rule Britannia" Rule Britannia, marmalade and jam! Five Chinese crackers up your arsehole! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
THE WELSH Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Men of Harlech" He stood at the urinal pretending to tinkle, But we caught him ‘tossing’ his little "Welsh winkle", Drink you ‘fuck-knuckle’, don’t let any sprinkle , Yachi Dar! Drink it down ! THE HAIRS ON HER DICKY-DI-DOH Words :Traditional Tune :"The Ash Grove" One black one, One white one, And one with a bit of shite on, And the hair from her dicky-di-doh, Hangs down to her knees (Chorus) And the hairs from her dicky-di-doh (etc., etc.,) IN A SMALL BROWN PAPER PARCEL Words :Traditional Rugby Song Tune :Hymn; "Bread of Heaven" In, a small brown paper parcel, Wrapped in a mysterious way, There lies, an imitation arsehole, That Grandpa abuses twice each day, Grandpa abuses! Grandpa abuses! Grandpa abuses twice each day! Twice each day! Grandpa abuses, twice each day. OH FLOUR OF SCOTLAND! (1997) I was moved to write this song after seeing a brilliant "Flour of Scotland" Hash shirt designed by ‘Primo’ of Hong Kong’s ‘Royal Southside Hash’. Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Flower of Scotland" Oh flour of Scotland! Why do you fail? When ‘Single Malt’ lays you on the trail. On every run now, you’ll always fade, Is it because you are so cheaply made? Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Molly Malone" In Angeles City, Where it’s all twat and titty, I first saw poor Paddy displaying his ‘bone’. He wheeled it around in a barrow, Swollen up like a marrow, Full of Herpes and Gonorrhoea, Alive, alive, oh! (etc.,) OH, SAY CAN YOU SEE THAT YANK WITH V.D.? (2001) (a.k.a. THE "PULL-THROUGH" (or) "UMBRELLA TREATMENT"). This alludes to very painful way of manually treating S.T.D.s before the advent of modern antibiotics. ‘Septic’ is short for ‘Septic Tank’, which rhymes with ‘Yank’. (Don’t you Gringos learn English at school?) Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"The Star Spangled Banner" Oh, say can you see that Yank with V. D.? Oh! How loudly he wailed, At the clinic this morning. They say he went ‘spare’, Screamed and tore out his hair But the nurse’s strobe light, Showed those scabs were still there. I think that poor ‘Septic’, Will take that dose to his grave. To face the "Pull–Through" again, He would have to be brave. AWAY DOWN SOUTH IN ‘THE LAND OF COTTON’ (2004) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Dixieland" Away down south in ‘The Land of Cotton’, When a boy fucks his sister, His mother ain’t forgotten! Look away, Look away, Look away Dixieland
AUSTRALANS This song is most often directed at English referees or cricket umpires. Aussie crowds have a very unfair and chauvinistic attitude towards sport. To illustrate my point, here’s a cricketing example:. Once upon a time, Dennis Lillee clean bowled Geoff Boycott with such force that the ball smashed Boycott’s bat to pieces before knocking two wickets right out of the ground. The ball then spun cleanly into the air and was soundly caught by Rod Marsh the wicket keeper. Marsh then also quickly rushed forward and stumped the remaining wicket whilst "Tubby’ Boycott was still waddling and puffing his way down the pitch, trying to get a run. "Owzat!!?" All the Aussies screamed. (And none louder than Lillee!) But the smiling English umpire, the wise Mr. Dickie Bird, was unimpressed. He slowly turned around, so that for the first time in the game he was at last facing down the pitch. He took off his welding goggles, lifted his white cane, gave Dennis Lillee the finger, and told him:-. "Not out, you cunt!" The rotten Aussie crowd and cricketers then all burst into this song! Words :Traditional Tune :"Dixieland" I wish I was in London, I do! I do! And if I was in London I would say to old Lord Nelson, Get fucked! Get fucked! You one eyed Pommy Bastard! Get fucked! Get fucked! You one eyed Pommy Bastard! CHARLOTTE THE HARLOT Words :Traditional Tune :"The Dying Stockman" (or "Botany Bay") ‘Charlotte the Harlot’ lay dying, Three piss pots supporting her head, While all around her the poofters lay crying, As she rolled on her left tit and said;- "I’ve been fucked by the ‘League of All Nations’. By the Germans, the Japs and the Jews, Now I’ve come back to ‘Sunny Australia’, To be fucked by poor bastards like youse. So pull back your dirty old foreskins, And give me the juice of your nuts, So they peeled back their dirty old foreskins, And sprayed "Home, Sweet, Home" on her guts. The *B.O.P. was ‘The Birds Of Paradise’. The upstairs bar, ("The Roof of the Birds") was our previous Hash Home for many years. The owner was our long time Grand Master, ‘Kalbo’ (Rob Denny). His wife Rose was the notorious ‘Dragon Lady’, who, with her gang of evil Hash ‘ladies’ pulled many a young lad’s shorts and underpants down in the circle. And worse, far, far, worse. ONCE AN AUSSIE HASHER TRIED TO USE THE TELEPHONE (1993 Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Waltzing Matilda" Once an Aussie Hasher, Tried to use the telephone, Upstairs on the ‘Roof of the *B.O.P’, But he got confused about, Which hole to put his finger in, "None of these holes smells like cunt!" cried he. How do you do it? How do you it? How do you keep up with technology? Then he jumped up shouting, "Where’s the fucking billabong?" And fell off the roof of the B.O.P,
OH POMMIES ALL, LET US REJOICE (1990) (For Aussies leaving the UK) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Advance Australia Fair" Oh Pommies all, let us rejoice, We’ll soon be ‘Ocker’ free From our ‘Land Of Hope’, Where we’ll never use soap, They’re going back o’er the sea, They’re going back to their Bondi Beach, In Sydney City fair, But I got the word From a Balmain bird, There’s only Kiwis there. Then they’ll miss The Strand in Pommy Land, And picking pockets in Trafalgar Square!
Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Baa black sheep" Baa, baa, black sheep, Forget about the wool, I’m over from New Zealand, Would you like to suck my tool? I’ll fuck you in the barnyard, Then I’ll fuck your lamb, Then once I’ve fucked the pair of you, Then I’ll fuck the ram! HONG KONG HASHES ME NO LIKEY "BLISTISH" SAILOR Words :Traditional (Royal Navy or British Army ) (An alternative version tells of a "Blitish" soldier) Tune :Hymn "I Have a Friend in Jesus" Me no likey Blitish sailor, Blitish sailor, like no more, Me no likey Blitish sailor, Yankee, pay fi’ dollar more. Yankee sailor calls me Honey, Blitish sailor, calls me "fucking whore!" Me no likey Blitish sailor, Yankee, pay fi’ dollar more. Yankee sailor tap, taps, on my window, Blitish kicks down my fucking door! Me no likey Blitish sailor, Yankee pay fi’ dollar more. Yankee, loves me in hotel room, Blitish sailor, fucks me on the floor! Me no likey Blitish sailor, Yankee pay fi’ dollar more. Blitish sailor fucks me for two minutes, Yankee sailor, fucks two hours or more, Me no likey Blitish sailor, Yankee, fuck much better more. Yankee sails away on Sunday, Blitish stay, in Wanchai ever more, Now you fuck off! Yankee sailor, Likey Blitish sailor more.
WANCHAI HASH THE APRES HASH FOR WANCHAI (1997) Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"An English Country Garden" How many Hash pubs and clubs do you know, Down In Wanchai, on Hong Kong Island? I’ll tell you now of some where they go, And those I miss are where the, Hash are banned. First the ‘New Makati Club’, then ‘Neptune’s’ and ‘Carnegie’s’ pub, On around the corner to the ‘Pussycat’ for a "rub". ‘The Big Apple’, and ‘Old China Hand’, Then ‘The Wanch’; (If Howard’s not in the Band) That’s the après Hash for Wanchai. ‘The Firehouse’, don’t forget ‘The Firehouse’, Then ‘Shaffi’s’, a vindaloo in ‘Shaffi’s’. ACHTUNG! GERMANS ! DON’T MENTION THE WAR! (DAS IS VERBOTEN!!) This song refers to England’s defeat of ‘The Huns’ in the 1966 World Cup Final. Naturally the ‘Square Heads’ disputed the result, when they discovered that the ‘neutral’ Mongolian referee, was actually an Israeli. (But, so what?) Incidentally, I don’t think England have ever beaten the Krauts since 1966. Still, one disputed win in forty four years is a magnificent record, isn’t it? Words : Traditionally sung on British Football Terraces Tune : "The Red Flag" The German lads were out of luck, Lost in two World Wars, Robbed in one World Cup.
GERMANS HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR (If any German hears the previous song, or reads my accompanying notes,, then this song illustrates what their probable reaction will be.) Words :(Traditional) Tune :"Deutschland, Deutschland, uber alles" Germans have no sense of humour, Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! Huh! GERMAN HASHERS ARE THE STRONGEST (2008) Words :Dances with Dogs ACH3 Tune :Men of Harlech" German Hashers are the strongest, Their early trails they were the longest, Out from Poland, ever onwards, "Check back!" at Stalingrad. THE FRENCH DE GAULLE HE WENT TO THE LAVATORY Words :Traditional rugby song Tune : French National Anthem The circle joins in the (refrain) De Gaulle, he went to the lavatory, To have a jolly good shit, (Shit! Shit! Shit!) He took his coat and his trousers off, So he could revel in it (It! It! It!) But when he reached for the paper, He found someone had been there before! OU EST LE PAPIER ? OU EST LE PAPIER ? Quelle merde! Perdu! Je suis dans le manure! OU EST LE PAPIER?
COMMENT CE CREVASSE, JACUES? (HOW’S THE CRACK, JACK ?) (2001) Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :’Frere Jacques" "Frere Jacques, Comment le crack, eh ? Avez vous Le Clap? Avez vous Le Clap?" "Merde oui, d’accord, Merde oui d’accord. J‘avoir plus Le Syphilis, Les Crabes et plus Le Gonorrhoea , Avec Herpes, Tout les V.D.s" (Regarding my novel use of the French Language in the songs above. Get fucked you brainy bastards! I failed ‘O’ level French.) CANADIANS Words : Monty Python BBC Hash Tune :" The Lumberjack Song" He’s a lumberjack and he’s okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day, He chops down trees, he eats his lunch, he goes to the lavatory, On Wednesdays he goes shopping, and has buttered scones for tea. He’s a lumberjack and he’s okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day, He chops down trees, he skips and jumps, he likes to press wild flowers, He puts on women’s clothing, and hangs around in bars. He’s a lumberjack and he’s okay, He sleeps all night and he works all day. He chops down trees, he wears high heels, suspenders, and a bra, He wishes he was a girlie, just like his dear mama! A CANUCK IN ‘THE STATES’ ( JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Men of Harlech" A Canuck in ‘The States’ is such a ‘wa-ank’, ‘Cos everybody knows, he’s a ‘Wannabe Ya-ank’. Oh my God! He’s such a failure…., He couldn’t even get into Australia! SOUTH AFRICANS HOLD HIM DOWN YOU ZULU WARRIOR Words :Traditional Tune : "Zulu Warrior" Hold him down, you Zulu Warrior! Hold him down you Zulu brave! Hoi! Hoi! Hold him down you Zulu warrior! Hold him down you Zulu brave! Hoi! Da, zimba, zimba, zimba, Hoi! Da zimba, zimba, zay! Hoi! Da zimba, zimba, zimba, Hoi! Da zimba, zimba, zay! Hoi! ANGELES HASH Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Home boys, home!"(traditional sea song) ‘On-Home’ boys, home! ‘On-Home’ we want to be! ‘On-Home’, on the ‘Roof of the B.O.P’, We’ll chug some "Beer-na-Beer", And a "San Miguel" or two, Then we’ll sneak a lady Hasher In the short-time room for you. Oh, the Angeles Hash, They’re piss heads through and through, Running round the bars, On Field’s Avenue, They race out from "The Birds", shouting "Hash fellatio!" Then get a cheap, (but suspect) blow-job On a floor in Blow Row. ‘BIRDS OF PARADISE’ CURRIES (1998) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"From the Halls of Montezuma" From the slopes of Pinatubo, To the ‘Roof of the B.O.P.’ We are the Angeles Hash House Harriers, A most fearless hash are we! We eat ‘Birds Of Paradise’ curries, For breakfast, lunch and tea, And he who fears the ‘Dragon’s’ cooking, Is a spineless S.O.B. SEX IS BORING Words :Traditional (This is sung as a staggered " Rounder" by two or more divisions of the circle in competition with the others) Tune: :"Frere Jacques" Sex is boring! Sex is boring! Pain is fun! Pain is fun! I want to cut my fingers off! I want to cut my fingers off! One by one! One by one!
WHEN THE DRAGON LADY RIDES (1999) Words :Adapted from the traditional rugby song, "Dinah, Dinah, Show Us Your Leg" Tune :"Dinah, Dinah, show us your leg" Some girls ride a limousine, Others ride a truck. But! The only time that ‘The Dragon’ rides, Is when ‘Kalbo’s’ out of luck!!! (’Kalbo’, was our long serving G.M. and "The Dragon’s" husband) ANGELES HASH’S ‘RULES 1 AND 6’. (NO POOFTERS!) (1999) (ACH3’s Rules 1 and 6 were borrowed from a famous Monty Python sketch called "Australians") Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :Hymn "Immortal, Invisible, God only wise". We’re not homophobic, But poofters are thick! They’re always betting us, we can’t squat, The full length of their dick! We always win but don’t care much, for such cunning tricks, Unless they comply with, our "Rules One and Six". No ‘poofters’, no ‘pansies’, no ‘platonic thinkers’, No ‘knob-hounds’, ‘brown hatters’, or ‘hand-on-hip drinkers’, No ‘button hole punching’, no squealing ‘pillow bites’, ‘Freckle fucking’, ‘shirt lifting’, or other ‘bum boys’ delights. Yes, it’s ten degrees hotter, And it’s three times as tight! But a colon ain’t a cunt hole, So let’s get it right! We don’t stick it up arseholes on Angeles hash, If you need some ‘converting’, try some Angeles gash.
HE’S A WANKER FROM LANCASHIRE (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ach3 Tune :"She’s A Lassie from Lancashire" He’s a wanker from Lancashire, Just a wanker from Lancashire, He goes like a good ‘un When he pulls his puddin’ That wanker from Lancashire THE ANGELES *BEACH* HASH (*British Empire and American Colonies Hash*) This is an arcane hash, founded in 1986, about which very little has been revealed to the outside world. Its secret rituals and initiation ceremonies are said to be even more sordid than those of the Pattaya ‘Dirty Girly’ Hash. If the ‘Beach’ Hash exists at all, it is rumoured to be Angeles City’s ‘shadow hash’. It is said to be for heterosexual gentlemen only, (and no bloody riff raff either!). It is also said that their only rule is confidentiality. Rumour has it that it runs once a month, usually on Saturdays. Only ‘SINGLE MALT’ knows all their dreadful secrets, and he is sworn to secrecy on pain of having all three of his bollocks cut of! The Motto of Angeles Beach There is no British Empire, There are no American Colonies, And there is no Beach in Angeles. WHEN THE ANGELES BEACH RUNS IN THE DARK (1987) (If you puzzled by the drift of this ditty, just see the ACH3 T-Shirt , "Hashional Geographic – Strange Tremblings in Astro Park". You’ll get the picture.)
Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune : "The Camp Town races" When the Angeles Beach runs in the dark, Doo–dah, doo–dah, We look for the ladies in Astro Park, All the doo–dah-day. There’s some rough stuff over here, And some worse stuff over there. And your one’s got a nasty surprise, Taped up in her underwear!
THE SLASH HASH Words :Traditional Tune :"The Camp Town races" The "Slash Hash" take it up the gash, Doo–Da, Doo–Da, The slash hash take it up the gash, But only if you’ll pay!!!
SUBIC BAY HASH (SBH3) Subic Bay is quite close to Angeles City, so it is a popular hash for Angeles Hashers to visit. There is a notorious "Creature Of The Night" in Subic City, called Maureen. She features prominently in Subic’s folklore and songs. Some Subic hashers, and at least one visiting hasher, are rumoured to have "known" her in the Biblical sense of the word. UP FROM SUBIC CITY (1997) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Lily Marlene" Up from Subic City, Comes a girl who’s very keen, To give oral masturbation, To the ‘sexually in-between’, She loves to "chew the fat", With the Subic Hash, Though she’s got a knob, Where she should have a gash, She’s a very, eccentric gentleman, And she calls herself Maureen, Underneath the street light That’s where you’ll find Maureen, Wearing the tightest hot pants, That you have ever seen, If you get enticed, Into her bed, You’ll never get a root, But you’ll get great head! She blows unsuspecting tourists, And a knowing Hasher or two! ACH3’s Armpit is a regular visitor to Subic Hash, and this song’s title is also the Hash name that SBH3 gave him. God knows why. Armpit won’t explain. Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"God save the Queen" You sexually ‘in-between’, Subic drag beauty queen, My lovely Maureen. Let me buy you a rum and coke, I’ll pretend that you’re not a bloke, I’ll tell the hash it was just a joke! Now, roll over Maureen! ("Oooooaaaaargh!"…Pop!..."Aaaaah!..." "Owww!"…"Shut up you bitch!") THE BELL END OF HIS PENIS IS ALL BROWN AND GREEN (1998) Words: :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune : :"On Top Of Old Smokey" The ‘bell-end’ of his penis, Is all brown and green, After hashing in Subic, Running after Maureen. She swore that she loved him, And it was no bar girl trick, But he recoiled in horror, When his hand touched her dick! But this feeling of loathing, Became a feeling quite warm, There’s an old Navy saying, "Any port in a storm!" Now this poor young hasher, Prowls Subic in a skirt, Earning a living, By lifting his shirt! So beware virgin hashers, When you do your down–downs, You’ll get different in Subic, If you ask for hash browns!
AS I WALKED OUT IN SUBIC, TO HAVE A FEW BEERS (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Fiddler’s Green" (Traditional English sea song) As I walked out in Subic, to have a few beers, I was dodging the hustlers, pickpockets, and queers A sad old transvestite, was singing this song, "Do you fancy a short time? It won’t take me long. Wrap your prick in a very thick condom! Though I once was a young virgin queen". Just tell my old Hash mates, I was out shagging ‘gash’, mates, Not fucking the arse off a bloke called ‘Maureen’
FOR THE GAY COMMUNITY THE *’BILLY BOYS’ PICNIC (2009) The term ‘Billy Boys’ was coined years ago with US Air Force G.I.s. It refers to some ‘happy and frivolous’ gentlemen who like to wear tight women’s clothing. Anyone who is seriously interested in learning more about them, can always find a wide selection down on Santos Street (Blow Row), after dark. If any street girl in a doorway calls out "Daddeeeeee" to you in a voice that resembles that of Marlene Dietrich, you have probably found one. Be warned however, many people suspect that Billy Boys may also be poofs! Bon Appetit!
Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"The Teddy Bear’s Picnic" If you go down Santos Street today, You’re sure of a big surprise, If you go down Santos Street today, You’ll have to go in disguise. For every poof that ever there was, Will be mincing round, in high heels because, Today’s the day, the ‘Billy Boys’ have their picnic. Picnic time for ‘Billy Boys’, The little ‘girlie men’ are having a lovely time today, See them skip and jump around, Playing leapfrog with their trousers down! But at six o’clock, Their pimps and their mamasans, Tuck them back into bed, It’s back to work for the Billy boys!
"THE LORD OF THE RINGS" ( JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"The Lord of The Dance" (Traditional English Folk song) Bend then! Wherever you may be, In public school, or in public lavatory I promise it won’t hurt (much) when I practise sodomy, For I am ‘The Lord of the Rings’, said he, I accost my fellow men, and I ‘root’ them without fail, I’ve ‘rogered’ boys at school and buggered seamen in a gale.I’ve ‘cornholed’ boys in Borstal and shagged passive ‘poofs’ in jail, I’ll even fuck that "horse’s arse", (points into the circle) if he’ll lift his tail! Words : Traditional rugby song Tune :"The Eton boating song" His name is… (whoever), He hangs out in Leicester Square, Swishing round in pink Pyjamas, Wearing Rosebuds in his hair, He holds hands with a young man in Soho, Drinking gin with a ‘ginger beer’, But when asked if he’s bent, he’ll say "Oh no! I’m just feeling a little queer," (Chorus) And we’re all queers together, That’s why we go round in pairs’ And we’re all queers together, Excuse us while we go upstairs The sexual life of a camel, Is greater than anyone thinks, In the height of the mating season, One tried to bugger The Sphinx, But! The Sphinx’s posterial passage, Was blocked by the sands of the Nile, Which accounts for the look of the camel, And the Sphinx’s inscrutable smile. (Chorus) WE"RE ALL QUEERS TOGETHER (continued) Words (first verse) as told to us by D’Gill ACH3 (second verse) Doggy Dave ACH3 (1988) Whilst trying to sell my motor car, I went to a bar for to quench my thirst, A man there asked me my bottom price, I said "Oh, let me sell my car first!." (Chorus) He fumbled around with his tool box And poked underneath for a bit, He said "Your big end’s been thoroughly rooted, And your exhaust has been fucked up to shit!" (Chorus) WE’RE ALL QUEERS TOGETHER (continued some more) Words :These verses Doggy Dave ACH3 (1988) I once had a gay little mini, It’s paintwork all shiny and red When chaps wanted to hire my Austin, They’d pay me then take him to bed (Chorus) I got arrested for catamite pimping, And paying the fine was pure hell, I had to sell off my car and dear Austin, And sweet Morris and Riley as well! (Chorus) ARSEHOLES ARE CHEAP TODAY Words :Traditional Tune :"La Dona e Mobile" (Aint we knowledgeable on ACH3?) Arseholes are cheap today, Cheaper than yesterday, Small boys cost half a crown, Standing up, or lying down, Bigger boys cost three and six, Because they know better tricks. All our ar-arse-holes are cheap! Come now! Come now! Come now and just try one! Come now! Come now! Get yours before they’re gone!
GEORGIE, PORGIE, PUDDING AND PIE Words :Traditional Tune :"Georgie, Porgie, Pudding and Pie" (Traditional nursery rhyme) Georgie, Porgie, pudding and pie, Kissed the girls and made them cry, When the boys came out to give him Hell, Georgie kissed the boys as well!
Words: Traditional Tune: Traditional Arsehole, arsehole, A soldier I shall be. To piss, to piss, Two pistols on my knee. Fuck you, fuck you, For curiosity. We’ll fight for the old cunt, Fight for the old cunt, Fight for the ‘Old Country’. VISITING HASHERS IF YOU EVER COME TO VISIT ANGELES CITY (WHERE ANYONE’S DREAMS CAN TURN INTO NIGHTMARES) Words :Sunshine John ACH3 Tune :"Galway Bay" If you ever come to visit Angeles City, You’ll find the dancing girls look really sweet. You can run and drink with Angeles City Hashers, And get a blow job down on Santos Street. (On Santos Street.)
THE ANGELES HASH JEEPNEY DRIVERS’ SONG (2009) Words :From a traditional US "Bible Belt" song. This verse adapted by Doggy Dave ACH3 (2009) Tune :(I don’t know its name, but it featured in the movie "Cool Hand Luke") I don’t care if it rains or freezes, As long as I got my plastic Jesus, Sitting on the dashboard of my jeep. And don’t you worry if my driving’s scary, ‘Cos I got seven Virgin Marys, Hanging off every mirror of my jeep. So thank you Mary, And thank you Jesus, And thank the Lord that I survived the trip.
(N.B. "Armpit" is an internationally known member of ACH3. He has very robust sweat glands and he is extremely voluble. He is a great swiller of cheap (or better still, free) Hash piss and food. This often leads to him being found asleep in the street, long after the Hash is over. His sexual adventures and his table manners are both quite remarkable. His life story was turned into a cult horror movie called "The Glutton from the Sewers of Hell". ( a.k.a. ARMPIT’S SONG) (2008) Words :Supot ACH3 Tune :"Jingle Bells" Jingle Bells!" Armpit yells, Where’s the fucking food? I’ve only had three helpings, I don’t think that’s rude. I’m only here, for cheap beer, And I think it’s bloody great! And I’m not going to fall asleep, ‘Til I’ve drunk another crate. DINGLE BERRIES, DINGLE BERRIES (2008) Words :Traditional Tune :"Jingle Bells" Dingle Berries, Dingle Berries, Dingling all the way, Toilet paper fur balls, Up the ‘Hershey Highway’, Oh! Dingle Berries, Dingle Berries, Dingling all the way, If you do the anal/oral, They can really spoil your day
AWAY DOWN ON BLOW ROW (2004) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :Christmas Carol "Away in a Manger" Away down on ‘Blow Row’, Sweetly bobbing his head, Kneels a teenage transvestite, Going down, giving head, The suspicious Hasher, Looked down where he lay, And said, "For Christ’s sake, don’t stop, But does this make me gay?" Years ago, ‘The Birds Of Paradise’ was featured in a spurious internet expose concocted by some woman in the States. She purported to have proof that in "The Birds", young girls were literally chained to their beds in their rooms, and that each of these young slaves was forced to have sex with dozens of men each and every day. As a result of this masturbation fantasy of hers, ‘The Birds’ got raided by a large posse of armed police looking to rescue these poor slave girls. However, they left rather sheepishly after a short while when they discovered that it was all a load of bollocks. You couldn’t get a root in ‘The Birds" It was fucking hard enough to even get a beer! THE BIRDS OF PARADISE IN ANGELES CITY (1996) Words :Doggy Dave Tune :Christmas Carol "Once in Royal David’s City" ‘The Birds of Paradise’ in Angeles City, Looks far worse than a lowly cattle shed, There the bar staff, are all glued to the T.V., Whilst on the counter, they lay their head. If you ask for a beer, They’ll just answer with a stare, Then they carry on talking, Just like you weren’t there. LILLY THE LEPER (2009) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"My Darling Clementine" Lilly squatted, firmly on my face Which gave me a mighty ‘fat’! But she blew a string of fanny farts, And t’was then that I smelt a rat! Her birth canal, was joined
internally, I had to spew and, brush my teeth before, FORESKINS Words: :Traditional Tune: :"My Bonny Lies over the Ocean" My one skin lies over my two skin, My two skin lies over my three. My three skin lies over my foreskin, So pull back my foreskin for me. THESE FOOLISH THINGS, REMIND ME OF YOU Words : As told to us by D’Gill ACH3 Tune :"These Foolish Things" That touch of lipstick on an, old ‘French letter’, That bit of Syphilis that, won’t get better, And when I piss it stings, Oooooh! These foolish things, Remind me of you. I gave you everything, even gave you beer, You gave me syphilis and, gonorrhoea. And when I piss it stings, Oooooh! These foolish things Remind me of you. That leather couch you used to, lie and grunt on. The oily rag you used to, wipe your cunt on. And when I piss it stings, Oooooh! These foolish things Remind me of you. A sloppy blow job in a taxi cab, A ‘Sixty-Niner’ on a, marble slab, Flossing with Tampax strings, Ooooh! These foolish things Remind me of you. FOR ‘THINKING, DRINKING, HASHERS’ MONTY PYTHON’S ‘PHILOSOPHER’S SONG’ Words :Monty Python Tune :Not Known Hegel they say, could put it away, Half a case of whiskey every day, Emmanuel Kant, was a real ‘pissant’, Got legless every morning, so they say, Aristotle! Aristotle! Was a bugger for the bottle, And Plato liked his dram. And Rene Descartes, was a drunken old fart, "I drink, therefore I am". Yes, Socrates himself will be very sorely missed, A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he’s pissed! SHE STOOD ON THE BRIDGE AT MIDNIGHT Words: :Traditional Tune :"It’s the same the Whole World Over" She stood on the bridge at midnight, Picking blackheads from her crutch, She said "Sir, I’ve never had it" I said "No, not fucking much!" It’s the same the whole world over. It’s the poor what gets the blame. It’s the rich that gets the pleasure. Ain’t it all a fucking shame? COME AND SIT ON MY FACE, IF YOU LOVE ME Words :Traditional Tune :(First part ) "Red River Valley" :(Second part) "You’ve Got the Cutest Little Baby Face" Come and sit on my face if you love me, Come and sit on my face if you care, Let me gaze up your Red River Valley, And graze upon your pubic hair…. (Two! Three! four!) Pubic Hair! You’ve got the cutest little pubic hair! There’s not another that can compare, With your pubic hair. Penis or vagina, There is nothing finer, Than your pubic hair, I’m up in heaven when I sniff your underwear. I’ve gotta have a ‘toss’, And then I cum across, Your pretty pubic hair! HERE’S TO FELLOW HASHERS Words: :Traditional Tune: :"Hear the Little German Band" Here’s to fellow hashers, fellow hashers, fellow hashers, Here’s to fellow hashers, may they chug a lug, They’re happy, they’re jolly, They’re fucked up by golly, Here’s to fellow hashers, may they chug a lug. SONGS FOR THE YOUNGSTERS ( Some of the songs that you never heard on "Jackanory") GARY GLITTER’S SONG ( JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Boys and Girls Come Out To Play" (Nursery rhyme) Boys and girls, Come out to play, And let ‘Uncle Gary’, Have his way. Come sit in my car, I’ve got so many treats, Some chocolate ice cream, And lots of sweets. Oh bloody hell! Here’s your mum and dad, I’m fucking off quick, Before things turn bad. Bye, bye kids, I’m hitting the trail, If they catch me again, It’s castration in jail.
ROMAN POLANSKI’S BLUES (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Young Girl Get Out of My Mind" Young girl, get out of my mind, Sex with you right now, is way out of line, It will be fine girl, Once you’ve turned nine, girl.
MICHAEL JACKSON FLIES AROUND IN HEAVEN (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune : Hymn "Jesus Loves the Little Children" Michael Jackson flies around in Heaven, And says his mortal life before was crap. Bare-arsed ‘Cherubim’ and ‘Seraphim,’ Now fly around his head, And sometimes one will land right in his lap!
Words :Traditional Tune : Hymn. "The Church is one Foundation" ( It’s the same tune as WWI soldier’s song "We are Fred Karno’s Army" The dogs they had a meeting, They came from near and far, And some they came by aeroplane, And some by motor car, And when they were assembled, They signed the visitor’s book, And each took off his arsehole, And hung it on a hook The dogs they were contented, As they sat down to retire, Until a lying little daschund, Jumped up and shouted "FIRE!" The dogs they were confus-ed, They knew which way to look, So each dog grabbed an arsehole, From off the nearest hook. Now as you may well imagine, It must be very sore, To wear another dog’s arsehole, That you’ve never worn before, And that is the sole reason, Why a dog will leave his bone, To smell another dog’s arsehole, To see if it’s his own.
A LOVELY DOG CALLED ROVER (2009) Original Words :Traditional, (This verse adapted by Doggy Dave ACH3) Tune :"I’m Looking Over a Four Leafed Clover" I’ve just run over, A lovely dog called Rover, When my truck skidded in the rain. It‘s such a big disaster, For his ninety year old master, Another guide dog will take seven years to train.
RELIGION ( n.b. Atheism isn’t a religion. It’s just a non-prophet making organization.) Angeles Hash runs on Sunday afternoons, which as we all know, is when all good boys and girls should be in Sunday School. Fear not however! We are not the idolaters and Satanists that the Murdoch Press and Billy Graham would have you believe. Here are some "Songs of Praise" FOR THE HARVEST THANKSGIVING I PLOUGH THE FIELDS AND SCATTER ( JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :(hymn) "We Plough the Fields And Scatter The Good Seed On The Land" I plough the fields and scatter, The good seed on the land, But the seed don’t come so naturally, It comes by my own hand. I lay down on my vegetable patch, And I have a lovely wank. The Good Lord gives me the dirty thoughts, And the Good Lord I do thank. AT EASTERTIDE THERE IS A GREEN HILL FAR AWAY Words :Traditional Rugby Song Tune :"There is a Green Hill Far Away" (Traditional Easter Hymn) There is a green hill, far away Without a city wall, Where our dear Lord was crucified, He died to save us all, And a one, a two, and a one, two, three! (Everybody then joins in and dances around, merrily waving their beers) For he’s a jolly good fellow! For he’s a jolly good fellow! For he’s a jolly good fellow, Which nobody can deny! Which nobody can deny, For he’s a jolly good fe-ellow, Which nobody can deny (etc., etc.,) Words :As told to us by D'Gill ACH3 Tune :"Has Anybody Seen My Girl" He’s five foot nine, He’s divine, He’s just turned the water into wine! Has anybody seen J.C.? If you run into, A blue eyed Jew, Covered with thorns, With nails in his hands, And a spear in his side, Man, that cat’s been crucified! He’s so slick, He’s so cool, He’ll glide right over your swimming pool Has anybody seen J.C.? So if you come across, A bloke on a cross, Bumming for change, Saying "Gimme me a buck, Or just lend me a quid," Look out boys! It’s that ‘Christian Yid’ Poor Jesus Christ, He was acting queer, He should have turned the water into beer! Has anybody seen J.C.? FOR HASHERS DEPARTING ANGELES CITY IT’S A LONG WAY TO YOUR HOMELAND Words :Sunshine John ACH3 Tune :"It’s a long way to Tipperary" It’s a long way to your homeland, It’s a long way to go, It’s a long way to your homeland, From where the girls all suck and blow, Goodbye to your bar-fine, Farewell to your tart, It’s a long, long, way to your homeland, So fuck off! Quick smart!
JONESTOWN! (For Depressed ,or Suicidal Hashers) Words :As told to us by D’ Gill, ACH3 Tune :"Downtown" (by Petula Clark) (The circle loudly joins in the one word chorus of JONESTOWN!) When your life is the pits, and hashing gives you the shits, Then you can always go, to… (JONESTOWN!) It’s such a good crack that no one’s ever come back, From running there you know, in… (JONESTOWN!) They’ll make you do a down-down with the ‘Kool-Aid’ that’s so lethal, Then you’ll join in the anguished screams of all the dying people,…. No one survives. The runs are much shorter there, on… Guyana Hash, when, Jim Jones is the hare, down in…. (JONESTOWN!) It’s a very short circle, in… (JONESTOWN!), You’ll get only one down-down, in… (JONESTOWN!) Heaven is waiting for you. DOWN IN THE TOILET BOWL, DARK AND DEEP This is the very first dirty song that I ever learned, back in 1954. My big brother sang it in the church vestry one evening after choir practise. At the time we younger boys were busily practising our cigarette smoking. Thus at the age of nine, my sweet innocence was corrupted by my own brother. Alas, I was never corrupted by either our vicar or by our scout master, and as a result I have suffered from feelings of rejection ever since. We often heard though, that the "other lot", the choirboys at ‘Saint Sodomy’s’ down the road, were getting a regular ‘seeing to’ by their entire church hierarchy, and by a few ‘brown hatters’ from The Salvation Army as well! But at least they felt wanted. Words :Doggy Dave’s big brother Michael Tune :"Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" Down in the toilet bowl, Dark and deep. There lies a ‘turdy’, Deep in sleep. Hush! Do not wake him, You’ll only make him cry. Just gently flush the lavatory, And wave him goodbye. FAT BASTARDS Words :Traditional Tune :"Knees up Mother Brown" Who ate all the pies? Who ate all the pies? You fat bastard! You fat bastard! You ate all the pies! OVER ACHIEVERS Words Sunshine John Ach3 (based upon Leicester University Rugby Club song) Tune :Hymn ."Bread of Heaven" We don’t hash, to pass examinations. We don’t hash, to create fear. We just hash, for recreation, Fornication and the beer. Balls to you guys! Balls to you guys! We won’t hash with you no more! We won’t hash with you no more. HE OUGHT TO BE PUBLICLY PISSED ON Words :Traditional Tune :Traditional He ought to be publicly pissed on, He ought to be publicly shot, (Bang! Bang!) He ought to be tied to a urinal, And left there to fester and rot. SHORT CUTTING BASTARDS Words :Traditional Tune :"The Dying Stockman" Oh, had I the wings of a sparrow Or, had I the wings of a crow I’d fly up in the air and I’d piss on You short cutting bastards below.
CELLPHONES IN THE CIRCLE WHO’S THAT WANKER ON THE PHONE? Words :Traditional Tune :Barnacle Bill the Sailor "Who’s that wanker on the phone? Who’s that wanker on the phone? Who’s that wanker on the phone?" Cried the fair young maiden. (The circle then points to the culprit) "It’s that fucking twat! And he oughter be shot!" Said Barnacle Bill the sailor "It’s that fucking twat! And he oughter be shot!" Said Barnacle Bill the sailor
SIDE BY SIDE Words :Leicester University Rugby Club Tune :"Side by Side" We got married on Friday, Everyone said it was my day. When the guests had all gone, We were alone, Side by side. We got ready for bed, when, It was then that I nearly dropped, dead when, Her glass eye and her hair, she lay on the chair, Side by side. Much to my amazement, Onto the chair there did fall, One arm, one leg, she laid there Side by side by the wall. This left me broken hearted, For most of my wife had departed, So I slept on the chair, well there was more of her there! Side by side.
"RUM, BUM, AND BACCY" (THE ROYAL NAVY ) THE DEATH OF NELSON (1996) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"The British Grenadier" (The word ‘matelot’ (pronounced matlow) is a French word for a sailor. The lower deck seamen of the British Royal Navy long ago adopted the term for their own informal use, when referring to themselves.) When Nelson lay dying in the arms of Hardy, He whispered, "Hardy give me a kiss". Hardy said, "Wipe the tears from your eyes, my lord, But you’ve got to be taking the piss! Roll over and pull your underpants up, And wipe the skid marks from my knob, And hurry up and die with some dignity, Because I’m next-in-line for your job!" The Royal Navy officer class, Politely sip their afternoon tea. And in the evening in the ship’s wardroom, They take gin with their sodomy But the Royal Navy matelot, Runs ashore fuelled up on rum, For ‘big beer’, ‘big eats’, then its back to the ship, For a ‘bunk–up’ on someone else’s bum, The Royal Navy matelot he, Is a ‘freckle-fucker’ to the bone, And if you let him lift your shirt tail up, He will show you a ‘bone’ of his own, But when it’s your turn to drive him up the ‘Khyber Pass’, He will struggle and scream with pain, But before you can do your trouser button’s up, He will pay you to do it again! The Royal Air Force, we were called ‘The Brylcreem Boys’, An epithet that really is quite fair, But the difference ‘tween the us and the Navy was, We would put the "Brylcreem" on our hair! But a sailor rubs it up his ship mates’ bottom, When the "button hole" is very tight, Then the bastard slyly adds a little pinch of sand, To make his mate’s arse tighten up with fright,
THE DEATH OF NELSON (CONTINUED) The British soldier turns and fights the foe, And faces death without showing any fear, But, the British sailor lies face and trousers down, Whenever he is ‘taken in the rear’. Then those dirty Dagoes will jump on him, And they’ll ‘roger’ him with great glee-ee, But that doesn’t worry our "Jolly Jack Tar", Because he’s giving the enemy V.D. THE MAID OF PORTSMOUTH (19997) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Portsmouth" (Traditional hornpipe tune) She sits on a bar stool drinking ‘boilers’, Chasing pints of ‘Navy Rum’, With some ‘Newcastle Browns’! If you ever "drop your hook" in ‘Pompey’, She’s just the lass to make a man of you. She patrols the back streets of Portsmouth, Along Commercial Road, Behind *‘The Albany’*! And she sails the stormy seas twice daily, ‘Twixt Gosport and Old Portsmouth town. She ‘blows’ in the Royal Naval Dockyard, On the lower decks, Of Nelson’s ‘Victory’! In the afternoon she ‘serves’ The Navy, In Southsea’s public lavatory. She’s the Navy’s oldest ‘heavy cruiser’, And she’s ‘rounded many horns’, Below the Isle of Wight! Even Nelson’s slipped her up the Solent, For a ‘serve’ of ‘rum and buggery’. *"The Albany" was a pub in Portsmouth of which it was said, that every ‘matelot’ in the Navy had drunk a beer in there at some time in his career. In my day it was said to be the roughest pub known to "The Andrew" (a.k.a. "Grey Funnel Line" a.k.a. the Royal Navy.) The Albany made the bars in "The Gut" in Malta, and the Arab brothels of Alexandria, look piss weak. When I was a teenager and stationed nearby in the R.A.F., I went in there a few times out of bravado. I usually shat myself with fear. If you couldn’t get a hard on and thus wasted their time, even the 60 year old ‘semi-retired’ "prozzies" were tough enough to kick the fuck out of you. Still they only charged five bob a go, and I needed the experience. Sadly the old ’Albany’ is just a bank now. Which means that it’s still full of whores and arseholes, but the roles are reversed. Now, they fuck you. U.S. MARINE CORPS TYPE MARCHING CADENCES UP JUMPED THE MONKEY FROM THE COCONUT GROVE! Words : As told to us by D’ Gill of ACH3 Tune : Traditional Marine Corps. Running Cadence, (The circle repeats each line) Up jumped the monkey from the coconut grove! (repeat) He was a mean motherfucker you could tell by his clothes, (repeat) He wore a three button jacket with a two button stitch, (repeat) He was a mean motherfucker, was a son of a bitch, (repeat) He walked through the jungle with his dick in his hand, (repeat) Saying "Look out women, I’m your "Bebop Man", (repeat) He lined a hundred women up against the wall, (repeat) Saying, "Look out women, gonna fuck you all", (repeat) He fucked ninety eight until his balls turned blue! (repeat) And then he backed off, and jacked off, then fucked the other two! (repeat) (Q.) Have you got a hard–on? (A.) Not yet! (Q.) Are you going to get one? (A.)You bet!....... It’s rising now!
MY WIFE ‘S PEARL NECKLACE (2007) Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune : U.S. Marine cadence, the circle. (repeat each line) (The circle repeats each line) My wife she likes a laugh, and she thought it was a whiz, (repeat) When I lent her to my best mate, then he lent her to his! (repeat) But she’s been unfaithful twice, and the thought just drives me barmy, (repeat) The first bloke was the vicar, and the next one was The Army. (repeat) She held the vicar in one hand, and his trousers in another, (repeat) She was kneeling down before him, but she wasn’t praying brother! (repeat) The vicar cried "You harlot! You have got a heart of stone," (repeat) But when she blew upon his ‘bagpipe’, he sang "Bad to the Bone!" (repeat) She hummed "Dixie" on his ‘ball bag’, using paper and a comb, (repeat) He cried "Glory hallelujah! Sweet Jesus take me home!" (repeat) The pearls around her neck shine like semolina bits, (repeat) ‘Cos when his ‘nodger’ left her mouth, it dribbled frog-spawn on her tits! (repeat) (Q) Will she go to Hell? (A.) You bet!! (Q.) When d’yuh think she’ll get there? (A.) Not yet!...But she’s going down now.
THE GEORGE BUSH JR. BURGER. (2007) Words : Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :Traditional US Marine Corps marching cadence (The circle repeats each line) You take an Idaho potato, and a double bun of rye, { Repeat) Mix with Texas refried beans, ‘n’ your Momma’s apple pie. (Repeat) Grab a handful of ass, and a pussy full of tit, (Repeat) And a "Poor Boy Chicken", fried in hot buttered shit. (Repeat) You add a little mayonnaise, made from Dolly Parton’s cum, (Repeat) Hee! Haw! I’m gettin’ horny, I believe I’ll order some. (Repeat) Oh, don’t it sound delicious? Yes Lawd! So are yuh gonna have some? Oh Gawd!......I’m eatin’ her now. "THERE’S AN OLD WHORE THEY CALL THE SPERM BANK" (2009) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"My Darling Clementine" There’s an old whore, they call ‘The Sperm Bank’, And she works out of a ‘trike’, She’ll accept a night deposit, in any orifice that you like. You can poke it through, her front letter box, Or just pop it in the rear, You can lubricate her tonsils, Or merely squirt some, in her ear She takes deposits, simultaneously, And once, so the story goes, An Israeli, and an Arab, Came together, Up her nose!
NECROPHILIA Words :As told to us by D’ Gill Of ACH3 Tune :"Jake The Peg" (by Rolf Harris) (Chorus;- "Diddy, diddy, diddy, dum".) My name is Jack, (chorus) I’m a necrophiliac, (chorus) I fuck dead women, (chorus) And I fill ’em full of semen, (chorus) I get frustrated, (chorus) When they get cremated, (chorus) A cemetery’s a must, (chorus) Because you can’t fuck dust, Each time I pass the cemetery gate, I get the urge to copulate. My name is Mitch, (chorus) And I dig a wealthy bitch, (chorus) I don’t dig her ‘cos she’s rich, (chorus) She’s in a six foot ditch! (chorus)
JACK THE NECROPHILIAC (Part Two) (2004) This verse :"He who wishes to remain anonymous" ACH3 Tune :"Jake The Peg" (by Rolf Harris) (Chorus:- "Diddy, diddy, dum") "I’m secretive and sly, (Diddy, diddy, dum) I was fucking ‘Princess Di’, (Diddy diddy, dum) But I couldn’t get far, (Diddy, diddy, dum,) In the wreckage of her car, (Diddy, diddy dum,) It was a messy farce, (Diddy, diddy, dum,) Went in her cunt, came out her arse, (Diddy, diddy, dum,) I was blowing my load, (Diddy, diddy, dum,) Straight down upon the road! (Diddy, diddy, dum)
IN MY MORTUARY (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Yesterday" (The Beatles) In my mortuary, That’s where I like to have debauchery, Those dead folks they just cannot see, What I do to them, In my mortuary. I, lovingly lay out the dead, To let their dear ones say goodbye, But, when, all the relatives are done, I have fun, in my mortuary,eeh-hee-hee-hee-hee, Mortuary!
THE PIKEY LAD (1999) Words : ‘He who wishes to remain anonymous’ ACH3 Tune :"Will you marry me" (1st half of each verse) "The Good ship Venus" (2nd half of each verse) A Hampshire girl said, "For goodness sake, I’ve just been bitten by a trouser snake!" Nine months later she dropped a ‘sprog’, But the father must have been a ‘gyppo’ or a ‘wog’. Because…..; His teeth were white pearly, His hair was dark and curly, His manner was mean and surly, And he could tell your fortune too! Now there was something about this swarthy little lad, That made me think he would turn out bad. At the hour of his birth, I couldn’t help but ‘clock it’, When I watched him slyly pick the midwife’s pocket. He was……., A flashy little chappy, He wore a pin striped, mohair, nappy, And though it showed off all the crappy, He just couldn’t give a fuck! He wore a brass earring and a spotted headscarf, And at night he would mug old ladies for a laugh, His mum threw him out at the age of four, When she caught him shagging, her brother on the floor! But his,…… Queer old uncle Mikey, Said "Don’t throw him out, by crikey! I love that dear little Pikey, And it’s my turn next on top!". At the age of five he was doing mighty fine, Earning a quid, stealing washing off the line, But he didn’t trust banks, so once he’d saved a shilling, He’d go back to the dentist for another gold filling! At school… He was a treasure, Giving girls great sexual pleasure, But when he left, they learnt his measure, ‘Cos he’d left all the nuns up the duff!
He’d be out on his cart in all kinds of weather, Going round the racetracks, selling lucky heather, He sold hot ‘country pies’, that the punters thought a treat, Which he’d made out of cat and hedgehog meat! His……. Caravan, was foul and mankey, At the window he would sit and wankey, And wipe his knob on a big red hankey, Which he wore around his head! By the age of six he had all the ‘wide–boy’ chat, He had the manners of a pimp, and the ethics of a rat, And The Hampshire Vice Squad thought him very rum, Swimming nude round Portsmouth harbour, With a price list on his bum! He could…… Rabbit like Arthur Daley, He posed nude for David Bailey, He fucked a tinker at an Irish Caely, He had no fucking class at all! At the age of eight, judge and jury were agape, When they sent him down for aggravated rape, But he claimed that his victim was merely acting coy, When they’d pulled him off the arsehole Of that screaming fairground boy! He’d fuck…… Lesbians, butch and burly, Piglets with tails so curly And when he got up early, He would fuck the crack of dawn!
I LIKE SPANKING SCHOOLGIRL’S BOTTOMS! (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :Hymn. "Jesus Loves The Little Children" I like spanking schoolgirl’s bottoms! All the schoolgirls of the world. Be they white or black or brown, I just pull their knickers down, And keep spanking, Til the cops take me away.
"INTERCOURSE IS GRAND, BUT I MUCH PREFER THE HAND" Words :Traditional Tune :"Funiculi, Funicula" (The refrain is sung by the whole circle) Some people think that sexual intercourse is grand, But I much prefer the hand! (He much prefers the hand!) Last night whilst in my bed ‘twas my desire, To pull my wire! (To pull his wire!) So, I bashed it! Smashed it! Threw it against the wall! Squeezed it! Teased it! Not a drop at all! Funiculi! Funiculi! Funicula! Sexual intercourse is grand, But I much prefer the hand! (He much prefers the hand!) Last night, I pulled my pud, (He pulled his pud.!) It felt so good! (It felt so good!) I knew it would! (He knew it would!) I’LL GIVE YOU DAN, DAN, THE LAVATORY MAN Words :Traditional Tune :"I’ll Give You Sam" (The song is sung in the manner of a ‘sad sack’ cabaret crooner who’s trying to sound like Dean Martin. The first line is repeated many times, each time more quietly than the time before.) I’ll give you Dan, Dan, the lavatory man. I’ll give you Dan, Dan, the lavatory man, I’ll give you Dan, Dan, the lavatory man (Etc., etc., until the line is almost inaudible, then the singer pauses slightly, before coming back in again, VERY LOUDLY!!) HE LIVES ON TOILET PAPER! AND SANITARY TOWELS! AND LISTENS TO THE RHYTHM OF OTHER MEN’S BOWELS! I WAS HUNTING ‘TIDDYOGGYS’ (1997) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Ghost Riders in the Sky" I was hunting ‘Tiddyoggys’ Up on Bodmin Moor last night. When a ‘gert big ‘un’ jumped out on me, And gave me quite a fright. So I stabbed it with my Bowie Knife, Then I shot it with my bow. But now no more, on Bodmin Moor, ‘Oggy’ huntin’ will I go! (Chorus) Yippy aye ooooooh! Yippy aye aaaaaay! Pints of ‘Scrumpy’, And a ‘Star-Gazey Pie’. As it lay dyin’ on the ground, Its fur all covered in blood. It opened wide its mighty jaws, As it lay in Cornwall’s mud. These dyin’ words it spake to me, It said "You’re really being nasty". I said "I’ll ‘ave ‘ee for my tea tonight, You lovely Cornish Pasty." (Chorus) Now I’ve never been to Devon, But this truth to you I’ll tell. Before I’d go to the "Jenner" side, I would sooner row to Hell. There they drink some piss called Cider, With their ‘Steak and Kiddley’ pie. And they’d die of fright if an ‘Oggy’, Ever looked ‘em in the eye! (Chorus) A glossary of some Cornish words in this song;- A TIDDYOGGY is a Cornish Pasty. In Cornwall, they are about three times the size of English ones, and they do taste "Some handsome, my deario" SCRUMPY (or ‘Scrump’) is the rough cider found throughout the West Country. Most of it tastes like drain cleaner. STAR GAZEY PIE is a traditional pie which originated in the village of Fowey, near St. Austell. It is made with fish ‘odds and ends’, The fish and prawn heads stick up through the pastry crust and "gaze at the stars". Hence the name. This is "Guvnor Scran" (A Navy term for really good grub) JENNER. Is Devon in "The Far East" i.e. over the river Tamar in England. This traditional West Country and Royal Navy song, originated in the Devonport Naval Dockyard in the 19th Century. The word ‘Oggy’ is short for ‘Tiddyoggy’ which is a Cornish Pasty. This is just one verse of many. Words :Traditional Tune :I don’t know the name. ‘Alf a pound of sugar and spice, Makes a lovely pasty You make fast, I’ll make fast, Make fast the dinghy, You make fast, kiss my arse, Make fast the dinghy. (Chorus) And we’ll all go back to Oggyland, To Oggyland, to Oggyland, And we’ll all go back to Oggyland, Where they can’t tell sugar from, Tissue paper! Tissue paper! Marmalade, or Jam! Oy! The song always finishes with this chant, which is also often heard at English rugby games. The circle’s responses are shown here in brackets. Oggy! Oggy! Oggy! (Oy! Oy! Oy!) Oggy! Oggy! Oggy! (Oy! Oy! Oy!) Oggy! (Oy!) Oggy! (Oy!) Oggy! Oggy! Oggy! (Oy! Oy! Oy!) PETER, PETER, THE SCRUMPY EATER (1960’s) Words :Terry Taylor In my youth Terry was Winchester’s "Jack the Lad". He would sing a verse of this song at the bar of ‘The West Gate Tavern’, whenever he ordered another pint of ‘Scrump’ Tune :"Men of Harlech" Peter, Peter, "The Scrumpy Eater’, ‘He had a wife but he could not drink her, So he soaked her in a Scrumpy barrel, And now she’s as pissed as a Long Eared Owl! Words :Traditional Tune :"Do you ken John Peel?" When you wake up in the morning, With the ‘devil of a stand’, From the pressure of the liquid, In your ‘semenary gland’, And you haven’t got a woman, Then you’ll have to use your hand, As you revel in the joys of fornication. (Chorus) Cats on the roof tops, Cats on the tiles, Cats with syphilis, Cats with piles, Cats with their arseholes wreathed in smiles, As they revel in the joys of fornication. When you wake up in the morning, And you’re full of sexual joy, But your wife has got the rags on, And your daughter’s feeling coy, You’ll just have to wait around, For the pretty paper boy, Before you revel in the joys of fornication. (Chorus) The Regimental Sergeant Major, Leads the devil of a life, He can’t afford a prostitute, And doesn’t want a wife, So he sticks it up the backside, Of the ‘Regimental Fife’, As he revels in the joys of fornication.
MANY, MANY, HASHERS HAVE VENEREAL DISEASE Words :Sunshine John ACH3 Tune :"Puff the Magic Dragon" Many, many, Hashers, have venereal disease And they bar fine all the teenage girls, In a town called Angeles.
AS THE END OF THE MONTH ROLLS ALONG Words :Traditional Tune :The Field Artillery Song You can tell! By the smell! That she isn’t feeling well! As the end of the month rolls along. Bloodshot eyes! And the flies! That keep buzzing round her thighs! Means the end of the month’s rolled along.
ALL THE NICE GIRLS LOVE A CANDLE Words :Traditional Tune :"All the nice girls love a sailor" All the nice girls love a candle, All the nice girls love a wick, For there’s something about a candle, That’s like an artificial prick, It’s fat and greasy, it slips in easy, It gives more pleasure than a boy, When she bounces round about, With a candle up her clout, Oh what joy! Oh what joy! THAT’S ‘AMORE’ Words :Traditional (Two verses of many) Tune :"That’s Amore" (By Dean Martin) When you’re up to your nuts In a ‘Brown Hatter’s’ guts, That’s, ‘amore’, Queer, ‘amore’. But when the hairs on your arse, Start to smell like burnt grass, You’re on fire! Yes, you’re burning!
OH, THE EAGLES THEY FLY HIGH IN MOBILE Words :Traditional Tune :"If You’re Happy And You Know It, Clap Your Hands" (The last four lines of each verse are adapted to form the last four lines of each chorus Oh the eagles they fly high, In Mobile, Oh the eagles they fly high, In Mobile, Oh the eagles they fly, And they shit right in your eye, I’m glad the cows can’t fly, In Mobile (Chorus) In Mobile! In Mobile! Inmo! Inmo! Inmo! In Mobile! Oh the eagles they fly high And they shit right in your eye I’m glad the cows can’t fly, In Mobile! There’s a shortage of good whores, In Mobile, There’s a shortage of good whores, In Mobile, There’s a shortage of good whores, But there’s keyholes in the doors, And there’s knotholes in the floors, In Mobile! (Chorus) Oh the vicar is a bugger, In Mobile! Oh the vicar is a bugger, In Mobile! Oh the vicar is a bugger, And the curate is another, And they bugger one another, In Mobile! (Chorus)
BESTIALITY’S BEST BOYS ! (This verse 1993) Words :Traditional but this verse by Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Tie My Kangaroo Down Sport" (Rolf Harris) I come in the bum of my ‘Chum’, boys, I come in the bum of my ‘Chum’, But, it’s not a homosexual "scrog" boys, Chum’s the name of my dog! Bestiality’s best, boys! Bestiality’s best! Fuck a wallaby! Bestiality’s best, boys! Bestiality’s best! ONE SIDED LOVE (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Baa, Baa, Black Sheep" Baa, baa, black sheep, Please! Oh please, don’t weep. I’m not racially prejudiced, I just don’t fancy sheep. YOU ARE MY SUNSHINE, YOU PAY MY BARFINE (Pre-1984) Words :A USAF ACH3 Hasher, of many years ago. (No one can remember his name now) Tune :"You are my Sunshine" You are my sunshine, You pay my bar fine, You make me happy, Each time you pay, But then I too much cry, When you *‘go butterfly’* Oh please don’t take, My bar fine away. *Go butterfly: This means to ‘barfine’ another bar girl. When the USAF was here, the’ ladies’ considered ‘butterflying’ to be an enormous social gaffe. If a G.I. ‘barfined’ a girl for more than two nights in a row, she considered herself to be legally betrothed in the eyes of God and all the angels in heaven. "Yahoo! She was going to be a G.I. Bride!" She would send joyous word down to her province telling her family to "Kill The fatted Pig", for she would soon be bound for California! She would tell her whole family to borrow the boat fare and move up to Angeles City to share in her "honey ko’s" enormous wealth and boundless generosity. It involved a great loss of face for the girl when the G.I. told her to fuck off. Words :Traditional Rugby Song (This is the last verse of many) Tune :"Barnacle Bill" "What if we should have a child? What if we should have a child? What if we should have a child?" Said the fair young maiden. "We’ll strangle the bugger, And fuck for another!" Said ‘Barnacle Bill’ the sailor. "We’ll strangle the bugger, And fuck for another!" Said ‘Barnacle Bill’ the sailor.
FOR EX-HASH-GRAND MASTERS *’EGG ON LEGS’ HE SAT ON A WALL (JANUARY 2010) (*Substitute any other ex-Grand Master’s name, to suit) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Humpty Dumpty Sat on a Wall" (Nursery rhyme) ‘Egg On Legs’, he sat on a wall, ‘Egg On Legs’, he had a great fall, He started to cry as he lay on the floor, Because he wasn’t Grand Master no more!" Eggy! Eggy! Eggy! Oy! Oy! Oy! Eggy! Eggy! Eggy! Oy! Oy! Oy! (etc., in the same manner as The "Oggy, Oggy, Oggy" song’s chorus) AYE! YIE! YIE! YIE! Words :Traditional (this is an ACH3 adaptation of one of the many verses) Tune :"I Like The Vino" Aye! Yie! Yie! Yie! My brother swims bare arsed past troopships, If you row him ashore, He’ll pretend he’s a whore, And he’ll waltz all around on your ‘willy’.
I LOVE A GANG BANG, I ALWAYS WILL Words :Traditional Tune :"The Billboard March" (This chorus begins the song) I love a gang bang, I always will, Because a gang bang gives me such a thrill, When I was younger, and in my prime, I used to gang bang all the time, But now I’m older and growing grey, I only gang bang twice a day. Knock! Knock! (Q.) Who’s there? (A.) Euripides! (Q.) Euripides who? (A.) You rippa dese panties off!, And we’ll have a gang bang. (Chorus) Knock! Knock! (Q.) Who’s there? (A.) Digger! (Q.) Digger who? (A.) Dig ‘er up, and we’ll have another gang bang, (Chorus) (There are many, other verses, but usually these two finish the song.) Knock! Knock! (Q.) Who’s there? (A.) Banana! (Q.) Banana who? (The whole circle then joins in the answer, by wildly singing and whirling around.) (A.) Banana, nana, nana, banana, na! Banana, nana, nana, nana, na! Banana, nana, nana, banana, na! Banana, nana, nana, nana, na! (continues ad infinitum) Knock! Knock! (Q.) Who’s there? (A.) Orange! (Q.) Orange who? (A.) Orange you glad I didn’t say….? (The whole circle joins in again). Banana, nana, nana, banana na! (etc. etc.etc.) THE HALF PRICE BARFINE ( August 1985) (This is the first song that I ever wrote for ACH3. I first sung it in 1985 at ACH3’s 7th Anniversary Run. The words have become modified over the years) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Viva La Company!" She’s only half price, Though she’s ever so nice, With half a brain in her head. She’s got one arm and one eye, And one leg and one thigh, And one tit that leaves others for dead! She’d lend you a hand, If she had one to spare, But she’ll always lend you her ear, And those that pay double, Can shag with no trouble, Her Siamese twin in the rear! But her cunt’s not too hot, It’s more arse than it’s twat, So to ‘muff’ her, you’ll need to be brave, ‘Cos the ‘minge’ on her box Smells like "Armpit’s" old socks, But think of the money you’ll save! STAND UP! STAND UP! DEAR PENIS (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :Hymn "Stand up! Stand up! For Jesus!" Stand up! Stand up! Dear penis, Stand up and do your job. I’ve got a lovely bar fine, She’ll expect a throbbing knob. Oh please stand up, dear penis, This girl will think I’m gay, Oh never mind, you bastard! That girl’s just gone away. That girl has gone, you useless prick! And it’s you that I must thank, Still, never mind, dear penis, You’re still stiff enough for a wank!
ARMPIT! ARMPIT! YOU"RE A STAR! (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" Armpit! Armpit! You’re a star! You spend all your money on Viagra, But you take so much, that you’re hard all day, So you’ll fuck anything, be it straight or gay. If it’s got a hole, then you’ll give it a whirl, Be it goat or a donkey, a boy, or a girl. You’re a sexual ‘hard man’, it cannot be denied, There’s not a ‘fucking trick’ that you have never tried!
DAISY, DAISY Words :Unknown Tune :"A Bicycle Made For Two" Daisy, Daisy, how would you like to screw? I’m half crazy, ‘cos I‘m so full of lust for you. I really must beg your pardon, I get such a great big hard on, When I beat my meat, As I sniff at your seat, On your bicycle made for two. WHEN IT’S "INCEST TIME" IN TEXAS Words :Traditional Tune :"The Yellow Rose of Texas" When it's "Incest Time" in Texas, And there's no cunt to be found, And your momma’s in the outhouse, With her panties halfway down, There’s no time for masturbatin’, No time to beat your meat, When it's "Incest Time" in Texas, Motherfuckin’ cain't be beat!
HE WANTS TO HOLD YOUR GLAND (1992) Words :Cujo ACH3 Tune :"I Wanna Hold Your Hand" (Beatles) ( insert the name of the down, down recipient) Well (*any name) has this problem, I think you'll understand. ‘Cos (any name) is a poofter, He wants to hold your gland. He wants to hold your glaaaaaand, He wants to hold your gland
And when he holds it he feels happy, inside, I think he wants to take your arse, for a ride, For a ride! Deep inside! ***Oooooooooooooh!* Oh please, say to me, That you will understand, When (any name) comes to you, And wants to suck your gland He wants to suck your glaaaaaand, Just let him suck your gland.
(***n.b. The Hash needs to keep a careful eye out for any suspicious types in the circle, who at this point in the song, smile dreamily and softly croon, Aaaaaaaaaaaah! instead of Ooooooooooooh!) WHY WAS HE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL? Words :Traditional Tune :Traditional Why was he born so beautiful? Why was he born at all? He’s no fucking use to anyone He’s no fucking use at all.
WE ALL LIVED IN A RUSSIAN SUBMARINE Words :Traditional Tune :"Yellow Submarine" (Beatles) In the town where I was born, There lived a man, with a p.h.d. And he told us of his life, Designing faulty, submarines
So we sailed up to the north, Until we reached, the Barents Sea, Then we sank beneath the waves, In our Russian submarine
(Chorus) We all died in a Russian submarine, A Russian submarine, a Russian submarine, We all died in a Russian Submarine, A Russian Submarine, a Russian Submarine.
And all our friends, they died aboard, But not us lucky cunts, Who’d stayed ashore. And the band begins to play….. Da da, da, da da, da da, da.. Blub blub, blub blub, blub blub, blub blub, blub, blub. (Chorus We all died on a Russian submarine, (etc, etc.,) NOTHING COULD BE FINER THAN TO BE IN YOUR VAGINA, Words. :Traditional Tune :"Nothing Could Be Finer Than To Be In Carolina" Nothing could be finer than to be in your vagina, In the, morning. Nothing could be sweeter than your lips upon my ‘Peter’, In the, morning. Some men wake up to bacon and eggs, But I wake up with my face ‘tween your legs! Nothing could be finer than me eating your vagina, In the, mor-or-or-ning.
Words :Traditional Tune : Barnacle Bill The Sailor (The second half of that song’s Verses) I’ll sing you a song, And it won’t take long, ALL COPPERS ARE BASTARDS! I’ll sing you another, And it’s just like the other, ALL COPPERS ARE BASTARDS! HE’S THE MEANEST, HE’S THE HORSE’S ARSE Words :Traditional Tune :Not known He’s the meanest, He sucks the horse’s penis, He’s the meanest, He’s the ‘horse’s arse’. Ever since he found it, All he does is pound it, He’s the meanest, He’s the horse’s arse. BLOW ROW The original ‘Blow Row" was located along either side of The McArthur Highway, roughly between Astro Park and 9th Street. After the U.S. Air Force departed Clark Airbase, the bar area contracted. Blow Row then relocated to Santos Street. which conveniently, is just around the corner from ACH3’s present home at ‘The Anchorage Inn’. Santos Street (‘Blow Row’) caters to all tastes. Even to heterosexuals. IN SANTOS STREET Words :An ‘unknown’ hasher ACH3 Tune :"Penny Lane" (Beatles) In Santos Street my wife’s just blown another customer, Whilst I waited on my ‘trike’ out in the rain, But that don’t put our marriage under strain. My wife just loves to fuck, And it brings in a buck. My wife, she sucks ‘n’ fucks, and goes like hell. And then, I overcharge, the punters as well, As I drive them back, to their shitty ho-otel. In Santos Stre-ee-eet! PATTAYA *DIRT ROAD* HASH *"Bottom feeders" perhaps? Well, just check out the slyly concealed ‘Chocolate Starfishes" on their membership shirts! There is a traditional history of "needle" between us and the P.D.R.H.3 It began back in 1990. They were having one of their sordid "INTERDIRT" out-station runs in Angeles City, to coincide with the Manila Interhash. They sent instructions to their resident member in Angeles, (our very own "Single Malt") to organize the run, the on-home, and a T-Shirt. My old mate, Single Malt, then contacted a shady local artist Senor ‘Dodgy Dave’ (For t’was I, did you not guess?) and asked me design the shirt. I had assumed that they would want a design that reflected their claim to be "The Dirtiest Hash in the World" Unfortunately, their ideas of ‘dirty’ were not the same as ours. As a result, the design they got on their shirts was considered far too outré. "Fuck off! Our sweethearts and mummies won’t let us wear that filth in Thailand! Oh woe! Oh no! Oh no! No! No!" they cried. Now bear in mind: ‘The Dirt’ had been granted the great privilege of holding their *exclusive* on-home (*No fucking guests! No fucking exceptions!*) on the roof of the B.O.P. which was then the home of ACH3 and The BEACH3. To show their gratitude for our hospitality, the bastards ritually set fire to their shirts in the circle. "So perish all works of the Devil, God is great!" they wailed as they flogged themselves (sic.) and made the sign of the cross. However, at least one of the T-shirts survived the holocaust, and was framed and displayed above the bar in the ‘Expat Hotel’, in Phuket. Apparently, the surviving shirt has a flap coyly nailed over the front, to hide the naughty design. Oh alas, my eternal shame and humiliation! Later, the cruel bastards really put the boot in, when a much beloved, and internationally respected member of ours called ‘Armpit’, visited Pattaya. He was refused an invite to run with the ‘buggers’, on the grounds that his toxic body odour represented a serious environmental hazard to all living things. Poor ‘Armpit’ was gutted. He thought they liked arseholes! Strangely though, this only caused the ACH3 membership back in Angeles to piss themselves laughing when they heard about it. Anyway, the trauma of it all, led ‘Armpit’ to institute the habit of spitting whenever PDRH3’s name is mentioned, or whenever someone wears one of their T-shirts in our circle. Childish eh? Still, it gives us an excuse to down-down the bastards. OH, THE ‘DIRTY HASH’ GOES RIGHT ‘UP THE BACK’ (JANUARY 2010) Words :’Anonymous’ ACH3 Tune :"The Camptown Races" Oh, the ‘Dirty Hash’ Hash goes right ‘up the back’, Like ‘Hatters’, ‘Brown Hatters’, When they start ‘shooting’ up that crack, Where the sun don’t shine all day. They’re "Colon-Busting" all the way, Like Greeks on ‘Navy Day’. Those buggers, prefer the real ‘Dirt Road’, The ‘Hershey Hi-ighway’! MY FAVOURITE SEXUAL FANTASY (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune : Hymn. "We Plough the Fields and Scatter" My favourite sexual fantasy, Is of a girl who’s wearing specs’. She removes her glasses carefully, Before she ‘gets down’ to the sex. When I ‘plot’ a masturbation, My theme girl’s always a Yank. Yes, I think of Sarah Palin, Before every bedtime wank.
‘The Pilsbury Award’ for sleeping: On our hash we have a regular award for any hasher who has been seen sleeping outside of his own home. We call it "The Pilsbury Award" I can’t remember the origin of the name. It dates from the days of the US Air Force. And it has something to do with an American brand of flour called Pilsbury. Who cares? ‘Armpit’, who brings a pillow and his pyjamas with him to the hash, has received it so many times, that there was talk of changing the award’s name to his. The incident related in this song, is alleged to have actually happened to a G.I. Hasher back in 1986. Two Air Force buddies of his who were drinking with him watched it happen, but claimed that they didn’t interfere because they didn’t want to spoil his pleasure. They knew that he only had a few Pesos left, so he wasn’t getting robbed of much. They figured he was getting blown at a great discount! Anyway, as it turned out later, they’d already paid the two poofs to do it. Wow! You certainly make friends for life in the military. THE OTHER NIGHT BOYS, AS HE LAY SLEEPING (JANUARY 2010) (‘Bakla’ is the Tagalog/Filipino word for a homosexual.) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"You Are My Sunshine" The other night boys, as he lay sleeping, On a floor down on ‘Blow Row’, Two ’baklas’ blew him, then picked his pocket, Oh what a pity, Ho! Ho! Ho!
MOUNT ARAYAT HASH (THE HIKING HASH) WHEN DOGGY DAVE FELL, AND TRIED TO FLY (JANUARY 2010) Words :Doggy Dave Tune :"The Camptown Races" When Doggy Dave fell, and tried to fly, Doo-dah, doo-dah, Most would have left him there to die, All the doo-dah day. It was cold, but he shivered with fright, As they clung together that night. Three men cuddling on the ground? Imagine what the Hash will say! With sincere thanks to my three good mates who stayed with me all that night and saved my life: ‘Dan,The Lavatory Man’, ‘Single Malt’ and ‘Supot’, (Mount Arayat Hash, hike number 31. 28th and 29th October 1999.) Unfortunately for these three blokes, the rest of the Hash think they’re a bunch of cunts for saving me! And by the way you three. Regarding the"huddling together for warmth," (whilst under the stars, on that cold and lovely moonlit night.) "What happens in the Mountains stays in the Mountains", know what I mean? MORGAN’S PIES (1986) Words :As told to us by *D"Gill ACH3 (?) Tune :"Jingle Bells" Morgan’s pies, Morgan’s pies Morgan you’re a prick. When we eat your fucking pies, We get fucking sick. Oh! Morgan’s pies, Morgan’s pies, Morgan you’re the pits, When we eat your fucking pies, We get the fucking shits! *I am a bit unsure about the authorship of this song. I think it was ‘D"Gill’, but it may have been ‘Vegemite’, or they may have even collaborated on it. Morgan was a very small old Aussie bloke with a very raspy voice. He is immortalised in the choruses of our Angeles Hashional Anthem. He made pies at home and then rode around town selling them from the back of his tiny toy motorbike. He would find out where our on-homes were being held and then he would ride out and sell his pies to us. When he turned up at the circle we would sing him this song in greeting. All his pies were good, but his curried chicken pies were bloody magic! FOR HASHERS LOST ON THE TRAIL On every hash there are ‘lost sheep’. These are the people who are so busy talking that they don’t pay attention to the marks on the trail. They just blindly follow the bloke in front of them. The bloke in front is probably doing the same thing, and so is the bloke in front of him! You end up with a long string of lost sheep bleating "Baa, baa, where’s the fucking trail?" "Baa, baa, are you on?." When this happens on ACH3, and the hares are ‘Single Malt’ and ‘Two Bottles’ setting one of their joint "Death March" runs, it can be catastrophic, WE ARE POOR LITTLE LAMBS WHO HAVE LOST THEIR WAY (JAN 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Tune :"We Are Poor Little Lambs Who Have Lost Their Way" We are poor little lambs who have lost their way, Baa, baa, baa. On a wicked false trail we were led astray, Baa, baa, baa. We’ve been ever so frightened for most of the day, Baa, baa, baa. Some Kiwis might grab us and have us away! Baa, baa, baa.
CRAVEN ‘A’! Words :Traditional Tune :Unknown Come listen to my story listen, if you will. About a young man who came from, Muswell Hill. He came from Muswell Hill and lived in, Camberwell. And the first words that he learned were "bloody, fucking hell!" (Chorus) Craven ‘A’! He’d never heard of fornication. Craven ‘A’! He’d never dipped his tool. Craven ‘A’! Was quite content with masturbation. He thought that cunt was something you got, called at school! This song was told to me by ‘E.T.’ of The Royal Southside Hash and of The Wanchai Hash. It is his party piece and he sings it in our circle whenever he visits here. I only managed to get the first verse and chorus out of him. He refused to give me the rest of the lyrics until we had discussed the size of the future royalty payments to be paid to him. "SHOES IN THE MIDDLE!", (A SHORT HISTORY) (The limerick of the same name is in the limerick pages) Many years ago, ACH3 had a quaint old custom. Our runs were often broken up by one or two ‘Beer Stops’ to allow the slow buggers to catch up with the front runners, and so keep the pack together. Sometimes at a beer stop, if the joint was cheap enough, either the Hash Cash or the hares would decide to award a free short time. The cry would go up "Shoes in the middle!" Everyone had to take one shoe off and throw it into a heap on the floor. One of the ‘ladies’ of the establishment would then be blindfolded and told to pick out a shoe. Oh! Just imagine the jolly and good natured banter that then ensued:- "Not that shoe, you fucking bitch, my one, the red one!" or… "Fuck me! Armpit’s won again. Well that’s her ruined for life, no one’s going to want her now." etc., etc., The winner would then go and ‘do the business’ with her in the short time room whilst the pack departed and left him to find his own way home. Now, once upon a time, or so the story goes:- There was once a very obnoxious visitor on one of our early ‘Beach’ Runs. Throughout the run, this arsehole kept comparing us, unfavourably, to all the hundreds of other Hashes that he claimed to have run with. Fuck me! No matter what it was, this bloke had "been there and done that" And he had always done it better! Angeles Hashers were amateurs. He reckoned that he’d fucked half the women in half the brothels of Asia. He was an ‘old whore master’, and no bar girl could ever pull the wool over his eyes, he knew all the tricks. Well, we’ve all met his kind, eh? Finally, ‘The Beach’ had a gutful of him and decided to teach him a lesson. The final beer stop was in a classy "Cocktail Lounge" on Blow Row. It was cunningly arranged with the very lovely "prize girl" that she made sure she picked this arsehole’s shoe out of the pile in the middle of the floor. After he had "won" he took her into the short time room. When they came out again, he had a big smug smile on his face. And she was smiling too! He was still cuddling her, and giving her big wet ‘tongue in mouth’ kisses. He went on to explain. "I couldn’t get a root out of her because she said she was on the rags. But fuck me, what a great blow job!" On cue, the girl then dropped her shorts in the bar in front of the whole Hash. And lo! There it was, all taped up, a teeny weeny penis! The "winner" quickly shot off, and was never seen again in Angeles City. I wonder if the bloke ever complained about this back in Kuala Lumpur? With this incident in mind I later wrote a limerick called "A Poor Visiting Dirt Road Sinner", who was a "Shoes in!" winner. (It is on the limericks page). This was shortly after PDRH3 had burned my ‘Interdirt’ T-shirt on the ‘Roof of the Birds’. In my insane and vindictive lust for revenge, I had actually designed a ‘Beach’ Hash T-shirt with this limerick on it. The design also graphically depicted a ‘Dirt Roader’, participating in an ‘exotic’ sexual act. Fortunately, it was so filthy that no local T-shirt shop would print it. If it had been printed, then ‘Pattaya Dirt’ would have probably had me killed. Back then, PDRH3’s ‘Woody’ was rumoured to be their travelling ‘hit man’. The end of the first and second lines of each verse of each limerick (shown in brackets), are traditionally repeated in the form of a question by the circle. SHOES IN THE MIDDLE! (January 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 Hey diddle diddle, It’s ‘Shoes in the middle’! ( the middle?) With your prize you’ll get left all alone. (all alone?) With you she will fiddle, With her you can diddle, And then she might gobble your bone. A POOR VISITING DIRT ROAD SINNER (1990) Words Doggy Dave ACH3 A poor visiting ‘Dirt Road’ sinner, (sinner ?) Was a multiple "Shoes-In!" winner, (winner?) But ‘twixt the legs of both prizes, Hung dicks of two sizes, Those Billy Boys ‘ate him’ for dinner! THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM AZORES Words :traditional There was a young girl from Azores, (Azores?) Whose twat was all covered in sores, (Sores?) Even the dogs in the street, Wouldn’t eat the green meat, That hung down like grapes from her drawers. THE BUGGERING OLD BISHOP OF BUCKINGHAM (1986) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 The buggering old Bishop of Buckingham (Buckingham?) Was fond of young men and fucking ‘em! (Fucking ‘em?) But his wife said, "My dear, They’ll call you a queer!" So now he’s content with just sucking ‘em! LIMERICKS (continued) A RANDY OLD PRIEST IN VICTORIA (1986) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 A randy old priest in Victoria, (Victoria?) Fucked two nuns whilst they sang him, "Dei Gloria". (Dei Gloria?) When the nuns got a-flurry, The priest said "Don’t worry, It was only religious euphoria." THERE WAS A YOUNG GIRL FROM NANTUCKET Words :Traditional There was a young girl from Nantucket, (Nantucket?) Who stowed away in a bucket, (A bucket?) When she got there And they asked for her fare, She just lifted her skirt and said, "Fuck it!" A STRAPPING YOUNG VIKING CALLED THOR (2005) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 A strapping young Viking called Thor, ( Called Thor?) Had a dick which made all the girls sore. (The girls sore?) But it wasn’t its length, Nor even its strength, ‘Twas the ‘clap’ that he’d caught, years before! THE LEARNED OLD RABBI FEDORA (JAN 2010) Words :Doggy Dave ACH3 The learned old Rabbi Fedora, (Fedora?) Studied lots of the sins in the Torah, (The Torah?) He learnt most Jews in Sodom, Paid queer Jews to prod ‘em, Gosh! What was called sin in Gomorrah’?
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